Beach Body Shaming

I am having the great pleasure of going to Florida for two weeks in April. I am beyond excited and happy to be with my family so I do not need to fell the stares of others as I bask on the beach in my full body bathing suit. Today I saw a magazine which I am sure you have all seen entitled "best and worst beach bodies." Now I am a person who enjoys being mad at society for the pressures they put on women but I refuse to buy these magazines and feed to their ratings. Yes "Star" I would LOVE to see bad beach bodies that are not only beautiful but way tighter and smaller than mine. Like I said however, I like to get angry so I decided today for some reason to look up "beach bodies" on the internet and thought I would share the horrifying things that I found.

Needless to say the captions of the photos were written by assholes and not myself. I leave you with anger..




Josie Gibson aka the bikini killer was papped running (amazed she can) along the beach in Spain and she looked like a fucking pig with cellulite.
















Are her boobs and beauty enough to make up for her bad built body?

Where My Cheetos At?!

Gummy Bears

Dear Target, I thought we were friends

I had decided after surgery that I would not be buying new clothes until I had lost a good amount of weight. Things changed however when I got an interview for Graduate school (I know Im kind of a big deal) and decided yoga pants would not quite be appropriate. Don't get me wrong, I tried putting a fancy sweater on top of my yoga pants both my friends and boyfriend seemed quite horrified. SO I decided to go to Target to look for dress pants since they usually have a nice plus size section. I am slightly addicted to shopping so I put the fact that I would be spending money on a pair of pants I will hopefully not fit in to again in the back of my mind.

My boyfriend and I talked in Target and I went straight to the section that usually has plus sized clothes. I searched and searched and all I saw was maternity. Am I now supposed to pretend that I am fat because I am pregnant? I asked one of the sales associates where the plus size section was. She then told me that they were reorganizing the store so it would not be set up until next week. This confused me since every other section was set up. I asked her about this and she stated once again that they were not done setting up the store. She promised that it would be up next week. The problem is lady that I don't really care, I want it to not be the ONLY section that is not put out. Maternity, juniors, bikinis, women's active wear, lingerie, everything else was there. I am a person too and I will not be looked over! So kindly go to your room and think about what you just did.

Green for St Patricks Day!

Disclaimer: this is gross

This morning I woke up to the sun in my face and the sweet sounds of lambs in the barn. I then looked down and my incisions as they were starting to itch and saw green puss dripping out of one of them. I of course was horrified and convinced that my insides were falling out. So clearly I did the best thing for it and began to squeeze all the puss out. Icky. I then ran downstairs to my mother and told her I was dying to which she laughed and told me to put neosporin on it. Clearly she did not understand the severity of my condition. I then texted my father who is a nurse who told me the same thing. HA I will not let you people tell me to sit by as I puss to death in my room!! I then told my friend who said "Haha your stomach must know it is St. Patricks day!"

Dear followers, if I do not write tomorrow I have drown in green puss from my insides falling out of my body. Know that I have loved you all and it has been a honor.

Relationships and Food

Sorry I am lame and don't really have anything exciting to post about. I wanted to try and post everyday about the joys and horrors of this journey but for some reason today I am brain farting. One of my good friends who has what they call "Taco Night" texted me a picture of his empty plate telling me he ate 9 tacos. Like I have said many times before, I have nothing but love for these people but MAN is food really a part of our lives. What I would do for a taco night where I could stuff my face with meat, cheese, sour cream, and olives. And an appetizer of Chips and salsa? Duh!

It has definitely been different seeing my friends as such a large part of our relationship revolved around food. Not to say that we don't have other things to do but I never really realized how much we "grab lunch" or "go out to dinner." I was telling one of my friends today that it felt so weird not to be cooking with her like we usually do. It is strange how I associate some people with different foods. Rachael - Mexican, Allie - spices and lebanese, Sam - sushi, and the list goes on and on. During this month there is no food for me and many sorries from them as they eat some of my favorite meals in front of me. I want them to know that its ok, that they don't have to be sorry, and that this is the path I have chosen. I know that someday I will be able to eat those foods with them but in a very different way.

I have noticed other things that replace the urge I feel to start eating even when I am not hungry. For example going on walks and playing with my animals. I have also been able to go out with some of my friends in ways that don't include food like getting our nails done. I have said it before and I will say it again, with out these people in my life I would not make it through this. No matter how many tacos you eat in front of me, I vow to only hit you every other meal.

Thanks but no thanks

Today I thought I would tell you all the loving and silly things my friends have said to me since I started this process. Along with this advice are some ridiculous questions I have gotten. I love y'all but just no:

1) Don't forget to cheat every once in a while or you won't be able to keep the weight off
2) You can have just 1 glass of wine right?
3) What would happen if you took a shot of vodka right now? (I swear I'm not an alcoholic)
4) Make sure you go to the gym a lot after surgery to really help the weight come off (I actually can't go to the gym for a month)
5) You will still be able to eat a lot of tacos right?
6) I mean you can live without cupcakes (lies)
7) Hopefully you won't gain it all back since you can't get the surgery twice (Thanks.. deff supportive)
8) You should be eating more, 2 ounces is just crazy.

One of the first things my Doctor told me is not to listen to my friends unless they have MD at the end of their name.
He was correct

14lbs baby!

I just went to my first post-op appointment after what felt like the longest day of my life as I have been waiting to find out how much I lost until I was there. I did this because as all good scales do, the one at my house is lighter than I actually am. Now scale, I love ya, but sometimes you lie a bit too much. Anyway, as I have said before my surgery was on March 4th and my pre-op appointment was February 26th which was the last time I saw weighed. I went in today and to my surprise I have lost 14 pounds!! What?! This can't possibly be true. I know that Jarred Letto said he lost weight for his role in Dallas Buyers Club by eating baby food but who knew it actually worked on "normal" people! To make things even better the nurse told me that since I started this whole process I have lost 22 pounds. I could have fainted.

Today's blog is short and sweet as I am currently watching Man vs. Food (or in other words torturing myself) and I am drooling too much on the keyboard. 6lb burrito?! YES PLEASE! For those who are struggling today just keep pushing, I promise it is worth it. Even if I don't get to eat a triple cheese burger with spicy aioli and pickles.

- Kisses from a happy 14lb lighter lady 

Run! Food is everywhere!!

Today I went on one of my first outings into the outside world to a book store with my brother. Immediately as we walked in, there was a miraculous table filled with books on baking. Now I know my blog is titled running from cupcakes but I must be honest this was the first time I physically ran away from cupcakes. "Cupcakes for every one" you say? False, unless you blend one up, hmmm... no no that would be gross. Frosting is smooth enough right?! Ok I am reigning myself in here. 

I never realized how much food is advertised in our society. Another stop I made was Old Navy. Safe I thought, just wonderful clothes and no food. WRONG! At every register there are mounds of chocolate calling my name.. Yes somehow they all knew my name. It is not as if these chocolates just appeared since my last Old Navy shopping spree, I just never noticed it until they were ripped from my precious hands. And another one, Cicis pizza replays over and over again on my TV screen. $5 Pizza buffet! All of a sudden I must go right now! How did I never pay attention to this before... I mean $5 + pizza + all you can eat? Heaven, pure heaven. 

I mentally started making lists of everything I would eat once I could chew again: cupcakes (duh), pizza, thai food, chinese food, Pasta, grilled cheese. Then I realized that was what brought me here. As I look at myself in the mirror and on the scale I see the pounds slowly dropping. I feel the excitement of having my first post-op appointment tomorrow to see how much I have really lost. I mean who needs all that junk food really when you can loose the weight?! 

HA if only it were that simple 

Contractions

Is it possible for your stomach to give birth because I am pretty sure that is whats happening. I have these waves of pain that I can't quite figure out yet as I am just getting used to this new body. It either comes from drinking to fast, not eating enough, eating too much, not drinking enough, drinking water to fast, not taking enough laxatives, taking too many laxatives, or taking pills too close together. You can see why there is a simple solution to this problem, my stomach must have gotten impregnated during surgery. Now I want to make it clear that I have never been in labor per say, however I have watched it and it seems it would feel like this. Hello Doctor I am ready for my epidural now, thanks!

Feel the Love

One of the "joys" of healing is that you cannot drive. This is supposed to give you time to relax and let your body repair itself after it has been torn to shreds inside. This would be nice and refreshing if I were on a beach in Florida getting complimentary massages. Lucky for me however, I am in my parents house (love you mom and dad) outside of Boston where the average temperature the past few days has been in the low 40's. You know you are a New Englander when on days like today (it was almost 60!) you are walking outside in snow boots and a t-shirt. But back to the point, this aint no beach. 

I have bought myself many things to do during this time in which I am incased in the house. Coloring books, movies, art projects, books. But hello people there are only so many mermaids one can color in a week. I have been overly grateful for the friends who have come to my rescue over that past two days and filled my brain with intellectual matter. A.K.A getting our nails done and watching What not to Wear. Your doctors will tell you it is important to have a good support system and that is so incredibly true. Without my family being here everyday and my friends coming to visit I would be the most depressed couch potato in this town. Maybe even the state. I wonder if that is something I could call the Guinness Book of World Records about. 

Anyway, I wanted to give a little shout out to my mom, dad, and brother who have been attempting to hide dinner from me all week. They have made me feel like a loved infant (I am currently eating baby food, really its not that bad) and a humbled old woman who can't even lift her laundry basket up the stairs. I have always known that a love of a family is one of the most important things you can have in life and having so many of my aunts and cousins and grandparents visit and reaching out just confirms how lucky I am. Without them, my boyfriend, and my three main ladies who lovingly lie to me buy telling me "you look skinnier already!" I would never make it through this process. 

I truly love and am grateful for you all. 

"Don't Touch!"

I can't describe the feeling of healing incisions but it must be the reason why bears rub up against trees so much. I suddenly feel the urge to rub sandpaper all over my stomach but nooo "don't touch!" This is what my friends tell me as they beg for me to pull my shirt back down and stop itching while they are eating. Believe me guys if I could rub up against a tree far away from your dinner table I would! But for now I will rub my battle wounds and pretend I am using a brush.

I wanted to talk a little bit about the actual surgery for those who have not had it yet or are thinking of having it. The procedure is done laparoscopic which means you are only left with 6 tiny holes and the question of how on earth they possibly got rid of your stomach. This is a really great new way of having this surgery because in the past they just had to cut right down the middle of you to move everything around. Ick. After surgery they leave a "puss drain" in your stomach for the amount of time you are in the hospital just to make sure nothing is leaking. Now when the nurse tells you pulling out the tube doesn't hurt.. She is lying. The tube itself is about the size of a tape worm and no I have never seen a real one but I am sure it looks just like this. After they take it out they do what they have done with every other hole and put tape over it. TAPE I TELL YOU!! Don't breathe too much or they will pop open! Ha no that would be silly, please keep breathing. I have not reached this point yet but I have been told at my next doctors appointment the tape will be taken off. This is good as I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to just pull it off and see what would happen! Nothing good I'm sure, "don't touch!"

Here is a picture of me and my favorite nurses after the tape worm was extracted. I would have taken a picture of the actual thing but my parents frown upon me doing such gross things in public. (Not that is has ever stopped me before)

I just want to chew

Today I am feeling like a dog that desperately needs a chew toy. I am 5 days post-op and while I have had no problems with hunger I am starting to miss the act of chewing. This is definitely one of those days that reminds you that this is a life change. Now I do want people to know that the diet I am currently on (2oz of blended food every 2 hours) is only for the first month. After I get the "ok" from my doctor I will be granted the joy of chewing once again! For now however, I think hopefully that there must be a way to puree a pancake. Best part of my however was making a peanut butter banana and chocolate protein shake smoothie!!

Thoughts of a crazy food addict: 
- What if I just suck on the garlic bread. Then I wouldn't really be chewing!
- What would pureed Wanton Soup taste like? Maybe I could just smooth up the dumpling and eat it.
- Pureed cheese and pizza sauce?

For the meantime I will lounge on the couch while watching the food network.. This seems productive don't you think?

 I eat/drink two of these every 2 hours

Please don't make me poop again

They tell you you may be constipated. They do not tell you that you wont poop for 5 days and will then need to take laxatives that make you poop 5 times a day. If you have never tried Milk of Magnesia let me spare you the experience and tell you it is one of the most fowl things you will ever put in your mouth. For starters after surgery you are not allowed to "chug" liquids so you have to sip on it without puking. To make things worse it doesn't work right away so when you need instant gratification like myself you take even more of it and then your intestines rebel. Long and gross story short it is now 2pm and I have pooped 5 times.. 5 times!!! 

Dear tummy, 
please don't make me poop again. I promise I will be better

That was fun, now lets get Chinese Food

It only took about two minutes after leaving the hospital after my gastric sleeve surgery for me to want Chinese food. Can you really blame me though? I mean that stuff is amazing. The amount of oil left on your chin after your first bite is miraculous. I should back up though. 


I decided that I wanted to get weight loss surgery in October of 2013 and after several months of pretending I was dieting and then REALLY making life changes I was finally ready. I had my sleeve gastrectomy on March 4th 2014 at Newton Wellesley Hospital and spent the next 3 days recovering there. The pain meds were great but the nurses and my family's support were better. I returned home in pretty good shape minus the 6 holes I now have in my stomach which make it quite painful to walk. I haven't showered in 3 days but who really needs it anyway. Thats what deodorant is for right? At least I can pee on my own! Poop is a different story but we won't go there now. 

As I rest at home being both waited on and nagged by the mother about the amount of water I have failed to drink today, I have decided to write this blog. My decision to get surgery was very heavily weighed (no pun intended) on others bloggers journeys through this experience. I hope to be writing often as I am only on day 3 at home and have already finished all episodes of Say Yes to the Dress and am only 3 episodes away from finishing What Not to Wear. 

If any of you ever have topics you want me to touch upon as I share this journey please comment and let me know. For now I will leave you with my before picture.. good luck